Iv decided I need to start treating myself again. Allow myself to buy that jumper/buy the lipstick I like the look of because I deserve it. Pretty much all my spare money goes on my 3 children so I have neglected myself. I still need to lose weight but why should I not treat myself to something nice now? I look after 3 children all by myself and I do a good job *well I think I do!
Iv already brought some make up pieces that I will be writing reviews on so watch for that. Im really going to try and make a go of this blog, but we will see!
Off I go to sort the bedtimes out and get people ready for bed. When that is done I will have a lovely bubble bath with a face mask to add to the pamper night!
Saturday, 4 November 2017
Thursday, 11 May 2017
My 2nd child birth story
My second child, Jamie was born 30th October 2012. He was 7lbs 11oz and completely different to his brother.
On the 29th October, I had very sore, painful hips. It felt like my entire pubic area was about to fall apart and I could not get comfy! When I woke up on the morning of the 30th October, I cut my finger making Leo rice pudding for his breakfast. That was 6am, by 7am I realised I was having cramp like pains that were coming every 10 minutes. I phoned the kids dad and told him, then phoned the midwife around 9am.
My waters hadnt gone by this point and the pains were quite bad so I called my partner home at around 10:30am. I was watching Cbeebies with Leo while watching out of the window, waiting to be picked up!
As we had a child already, we needed him to be looked after while I was in labour. So we went off to drop Leo off at his grandparents house around 11am. They were obviously out of the house. So I had a panic that I would have to give birth alone. Thankfully though, they came home around 11:30 and we then set off to Tesco and Sainsburys. As you do when you are in labour and your waters hadnt gone yet! I waddled around the shops as I hadnt packed anything to wear in labour (I ended up with a nice nighty in the end!) I also got a creme egfg for energy as I hadnt eaten yet that day so needed abit of fuel!
We got to the birthing unit at 12:30, and I got straight on gas and air. When I was seen at 1pm, labour was really ramping up.
I got into the birthing pool, which helped immediately. Things got very intense, very quickly and after alot of pain, Jamie was born at 2:20pm. All went fine with no stitches (as usual with me)
Jamie was born in his sac, only broken as he came out by the midwife
We were sent on our way home by 6pm, and once we had picked up Leo and shown Jamie to his grandparents, it was time to go home and get settled for the night.
At 7pm we were home and Leo had his first cuddle with his new brother and we all settled down for our first night with 2 children.
On the 29th October, I had very sore, painful hips. It felt like my entire pubic area was about to fall apart and I could not get comfy! When I woke up on the morning of the 30th October, I cut my finger making Leo rice pudding for his breakfast. That was 6am, by 7am I realised I was having cramp like pains that were coming every 10 minutes. I phoned the kids dad and told him, then phoned the midwife around 9am.
My waters hadnt gone by this point and the pains were quite bad so I called my partner home at around 10:30am. I was watching Cbeebies with Leo while watching out of the window, waiting to be picked up!
As we had a child already, we needed him to be looked after while I was in labour. So we went off to drop Leo off at his grandparents house around 11am. They were obviously out of the house. So I had a panic that I would have to give birth alone. Thankfully though, they came home around 11:30 and we then set off to Tesco and Sainsburys. As you do when you are in labour and your waters hadnt gone yet! I waddled around the shops as I hadnt packed anything to wear in labour (I ended up with a nice nighty in the end!) I also got a creme egfg for energy as I hadnt eaten yet that day so needed abit of fuel!
We got to the birthing unit at 12:30, and I got straight on gas and air. When I was seen at 1pm, labour was really ramping up.
I got into the birthing pool, which helped immediately. Things got very intense, very quickly and after alot of pain, Jamie was born at 2:20pm. All went fine with no stitches (as usual with me)
Jamie was born in his sac, only broken as he came out by the midwife
We were sent on our way home by 6pm, and once we had picked up Leo and shown Jamie to his grandparents, it was time to go home and get settled for the night.
At 7pm we were home and Leo had his first cuddle with his new brother and we all settled down for our first night with 2 children.
Sunday, 23 April 2017
Film Review: Aftermath (2017) Spoilers
Today is a review of the Movie: Aftermath. Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, it is based on a true, real life story. The story of a man who has his family torn apart by a freak plane crash. An Air traffic controller is doing two jobs at once and doesnt realise one plane is going straight into the path of another he has given co-ordinates to. This results in two planes colliding and there being no survivors.
The main character, Roman goes to the airport expecting to see his wife and pregnant daughter, instead he is met by airport staff and ushered into a back room. He soon learns of the accident and goes home alone to grieve. The acting is very well done and all of my sympathy was with Roman who has just lost his whole family and just wants to hear someone say "sorry"
The second "main" character is Jake Bonaos. He is the air traffic controller who is somewhat at blame here. He has his world blown apart by the grief of knowing he caused a terrible accident and this leaves him emotional and isolated. He can no longer do his job and his wife and child leave him. He is relocated, under a new identity to a new city and begins a new life.
Roman however, is still grieving and awaiting an apology from anyone at the airport. He doesnt get one so sets about finding Bonaos, who in Romans eyes is solely responsible as he directed those two planes.
One year later, a journalist is hovering around Roman and Bonaos, so Roman uses her help in finding Bonaos. He wants an apology. She reluctantly gives him the address he needs. She isnt sure if it is the right thing to do but Roman assures her that he just wants an apology from the man.
Roman sets of to Bonaos, who is having his estranged wife and child to stay for a weekend.
Roman finds the apartment and rings the doorbell but Bonaos' wife Christina answers, and Roman disappears. Later he sits in his hotel room and decides to go back, this time the right person answers.
Bonaos freaks out and argues with Roman, telling him he is crazy for coming after him. All Roman wanted was an apology. Instead the man he see's as responsible for his losses, pushes him away and calls him crazy. This tips Roman over the edge and he attackes and stabs Bonaos. Once he has finished he sits in a daze next to the now dead mans wife and child, hallucinating that they are his wife and child.
Roman goes to jail for 10 years for the murder and once released he goes to visit his familys grave.
He is followed by a young man who asks for directions. This turns out to be Bonaos's son, who is now grown up and holding a loaded gun. Roman accepts that he (Samuel, the son) has to kill him (Roman) to "fix" things.
However, Samuel cant bring himself to murder someone, not even his own fathers killer. He tells Roman "no, it wasnt what I was taught" and leaves Roman alone in the cemetery.
Overall I really enjoyed the movie. I felt more for Roman, he lost his whole family and just wanted to hear someone apologise to him for the accident. I can see how he flipped and attacked the man he saw as responsible. I dont think Bonaos was soley responsible though. He couldnt have been expected to be in sole charge that night and he couldnt have been focused enough with being alone to control all those flights. I would watch this again if I had the chance as it was a good, emotional thriller
The main character, Roman goes to the airport expecting to see his wife and pregnant daughter, instead he is met by airport staff and ushered into a back room. He soon learns of the accident and goes home alone to grieve. The acting is very well done and all of my sympathy was with Roman who has just lost his whole family and just wants to hear someone say "sorry"
The second "main" character is Jake Bonaos. He is the air traffic controller who is somewhat at blame here. He has his world blown apart by the grief of knowing he caused a terrible accident and this leaves him emotional and isolated. He can no longer do his job and his wife and child leave him. He is relocated, under a new identity to a new city and begins a new life.
Roman however, is still grieving and awaiting an apology from anyone at the airport. He doesnt get one so sets about finding Bonaos, who in Romans eyes is solely responsible as he directed those two planes.
One year later, a journalist is hovering around Roman and Bonaos, so Roman uses her help in finding Bonaos. He wants an apology. She reluctantly gives him the address he needs. She isnt sure if it is the right thing to do but Roman assures her that he just wants an apology from the man.
Roman sets of to Bonaos, who is having his estranged wife and child to stay for a weekend.
Roman finds the apartment and rings the doorbell but Bonaos' wife Christina answers, and Roman disappears. Later he sits in his hotel room and decides to go back, this time the right person answers.
Bonaos freaks out and argues with Roman, telling him he is crazy for coming after him. All Roman wanted was an apology. Instead the man he see's as responsible for his losses, pushes him away and calls him crazy. This tips Roman over the edge and he attackes and stabs Bonaos. Once he has finished he sits in a daze next to the now dead mans wife and child, hallucinating that they are his wife and child.
Roman goes to jail for 10 years for the murder and once released he goes to visit his familys grave.
He is followed by a young man who asks for directions. This turns out to be Bonaos's son, who is now grown up and holding a loaded gun. Roman accepts that he (Samuel, the son) has to kill him (Roman) to "fix" things.
However, Samuel cant bring himself to murder someone, not even his own fathers killer. He tells Roman "no, it wasnt what I was taught" and leaves Roman alone in the cemetery.
Overall I really enjoyed the movie. I felt more for Roman, he lost his whole family and just wanted to hear someone apologise to him for the accident. I can see how he flipped and attacked the man he saw as responsible. I dont think Bonaos was soley responsible though. He couldnt have been expected to be in sole charge that night and he couldnt have been focused enough with being alone to control all those flights. I would watch this again if I had the chance as it was a good, emotional thriller
Monday, 3 April 2017
My 1st Child Birth Story
I was 19 when I fell pregnant with Leo. Very young yes, I do sometimes wish Id waited until I had a good stable job and my own home but I wouldnt change him or my life for anything.
My pregnancy went by fine, no issues or complications. I put on around 2.5st with him so an average amount. I lived with my in laws at that time in a double bedroom crammed with 2 peoples things, soon to be 3! So it was stressful at times, not having my own home.
Anyway, 25th of april at 9pm Gary went downstairs to take a phone call. At around 9:15pm I was sat in bed and felt a pop. Yes felt the pop of my waters. I sat further forwards and it gussed out, It was like a river, I couldnt believe how much water I had!
So, I got up and grabbed some towels and made a make shift nappy until Gary got back. I sorted myself out and headed to the midwife centre. In hindsight I didnt need to go in, but being a young first time mum I did anyway. I was checked and yep it was my waters. So I was sent off home to wait for contractions to start. Around 11-12pm they kicked in. I was so uncomfortable that I kept phoning my midwife and at 1am I begged to come in. I got there at 3cm dilated and was admitted for some gas and air. Things were steady and kept going until around 3-4am when the labour really kicked in.I had a "land birth" so on the bed and was on my knees facing the headboard from then on. I remember looking at the clock around 3-4am then when I looked back up it was 6am and I needed to push. The gas and air makes me very woozy and drunk like!
At 6:30am Leo was born. 7lbs 11oz of yellow chunk. He was a little jaundiced at first but after a few days he was a normal pink baby. He failed at breastfeeding as he wouldnt latch and rejected the breast so onto Cow and Gate it was. He was a good baby, was a little colicky but not as bad as some babies. He slept well and was a great first baby. I was 20 years old when he was born and it was lovely to have this little person to care for and be a mummy to. When he was 4 weeks old we moved into our own house. A housing association home which at this moment me and three kids have outgrown its 2 bedrooms and small open plan downstairs,
He is now soon to turn 6 years old and I cant believe he used to be a tiny baby. I still see him as my first baby boy and I do have a soft spot for him because of it. I dont favour any of my children but the first is always special!
Sunday, 2 April 2017
A mother losing a mother
Todays blog post is the topic of losing a parent. I have been "a mum without a mum" for almost 2 years (where did that time go!!) so thought I would write up a post to offer advice or just a little insight into what I have dealt with.
Me and my mum had a strange relationship. She wasnt the best mum but wasnt the worst. She had various mental health issues that she never addressed and really did not like me. I was the one to blame for all her bad times even if I wasnt there when they happened. I would get the beatings and rough words because she "couldnt deal with me" I wasnt a devil child, just a normal child who's mum couldnt cope on her own for many reasons.
I have a younger half brother who is 5 years younger then me, who was the golden child. If you watch Bates Motel, she was Norma and he was Norman. Very close, sometimes concerning as remarked by social workers and she would baby him for years.
I lost contact with her in 2011 when I was heavily pregnant with my first child and didnt see her again until 2015.
One day I was in my local town, in Wilko and saw her in the paint aisle. I said hello and had a little chat. At that point I was still pregnant with the baby we went onto miscarry. That was in January 2015. I didnt see her again until the summer.
She seemed interested in keeping in contact but in September she had an accident and sadly died. She had epilepsy and due to a very stressful home life with my brother who was mean and demanding to her, she was stressed and ill alot in the run up to her death. She fell down the stairs one night and never woke up. She was on life support to help her breath and once that was taken away at 3am, it took another 12 or so hours for her heart to stop. I had a mad rush to Southmead Hospital who were amazing. I live in wiltshire so had to take children via bus to their grandparents. Then get a train then a 45min bus to the hospital, so I was on the go 8am-1pm travelling. It wasnt nice when I saw her. She looked empty with her breathing tubes and hospital gown. I had seem her in hospital unconscious so many times before due to her epilepsy but this was different. Her brain had too much swelling so she wasnt going to wake up. I left to go home around 4pm and a few days later I was back to visit her in the Chapel of Rest. I had my amazing uncle with me, who has been like a mother/father in one amazing role. When I saw her, it wasnt her. She was in a lovely white full length nightgown and had freshly washed and dried hair. I could just sense she wasnt there and she had really gone. Its a very weird feeling seeing someone who has died. You know the person but its not them. The soul and what makes them that person has gone and there is just an empty shell. I left after just a few minutes and went on to make the funeral arrangements. Now im a young, stay at home mum to two at this point. I had no money to my name so I was in a rush to have her accounts signed over to me so her estate could pay for her very basic cremation. I remember a lovely lady in her bank pushing me to tears refusing to listen that I had all the documents I needed and I had to have them at least sign a promise to pay ASAP or the cremation was cancelled. An emergency loan from the kids dad solved that stress until all the paperwork was sorted at her banks.
The funeral was vary basic. Cremation and 3 songs. The Carpenters which were have favourites. Me and the kids dad were the only people to attend as my brother refused and no other family could make it. I always think how sad this was that she only had two people attend.
Now it is almost 2 years past and I have a beautiful urn with her ashes in and a lovely scatter tube for if I ever choose to scatter some of her ashes. Im not sure if I ever will but the option is there. I do sometimes talk to "her" and have a chate about life. In July 2016 I welcomed a baby girl, who was conceived when mum passed. To me she is my gift from mum.Mum said I would have another and I should have a girl and she was right. I am still so sad she hasnt been able to meet her grand daughter but Im sure a part of her is inside my girl x
Me and my mum had a strange relationship. She wasnt the best mum but wasnt the worst. She had various mental health issues that she never addressed and really did not like me. I was the one to blame for all her bad times even if I wasnt there when they happened. I would get the beatings and rough words because she "couldnt deal with me" I wasnt a devil child, just a normal child who's mum couldnt cope on her own for many reasons.
I have a younger half brother who is 5 years younger then me, who was the golden child. If you watch Bates Motel, she was Norma and he was Norman. Very close, sometimes concerning as remarked by social workers and she would baby him for years.
I lost contact with her in 2011 when I was heavily pregnant with my first child and didnt see her again until 2015.
One day I was in my local town, in Wilko and saw her in the paint aisle. I said hello and had a little chat. At that point I was still pregnant with the baby we went onto miscarry. That was in January 2015. I didnt see her again until the summer.
She seemed interested in keeping in contact but in September she had an accident and sadly died. She had epilepsy and due to a very stressful home life with my brother who was mean and demanding to her, she was stressed and ill alot in the run up to her death. She fell down the stairs one night and never woke up. She was on life support to help her breath and once that was taken away at 3am, it took another 12 or so hours for her heart to stop. I had a mad rush to Southmead Hospital who were amazing. I live in wiltshire so had to take children via bus to their grandparents. Then get a train then a 45min bus to the hospital, so I was on the go 8am-1pm travelling. It wasnt nice when I saw her. She looked empty with her breathing tubes and hospital gown. I had seem her in hospital unconscious so many times before due to her epilepsy but this was different. Her brain had too much swelling so she wasnt going to wake up. I left to go home around 4pm and a few days later I was back to visit her in the Chapel of Rest. I had my amazing uncle with me, who has been like a mother/father in one amazing role. When I saw her, it wasnt her. She was in a lovely white full length nightgown and had freshly washed and dried hair. I could just sense she wasnt there and she had really gone. Its a very weird feeling seeing someone who has died. You know the person but its not them. The soul and what makes them that person has gone and there is just an empty shell. I left after just a few minutes and went on to make the funeral arrangements. Now im a young, stay at home mum to two at this point. I had no money to my name so I was in a rush to have her accounts signed over to me so her estate could pay for her very basic cremation. I remember a lovely lady in her bank pushing me to tears refusing to listen that I had all the documents I needed and I had to have them at least sign a promise to pay ASAP or the cremation was cancelled. An emergency loan from the kids dad solved that stress until all the paperwork was sorted at her banks.
The funeral was vary basic. Cremation and 3 songs. The Carpenters which were have favourites. Me and the kids dad were the only people to attend as my brother refused and no other family could make it. I always think how sad this was that she only had two people attend.
Now it is almost 2 years past and I have a beautiful urn with her ashes in and a lovely scatter tube for if I ever choose to scatter some of her ashes. Im not sure if I ever will but the option is there. I do sometimes talk to "her" and have a chate about life. In July 2016 I welcomed a baby girl, who was conceived when mum passed. To me she is my gift from mum.Mum said I would have another and I should have a girl and she was right. I am still so sad she hasnt been able to meet her grand daughter but Im sure a part of her is inside my girl x
Friday, 10 February 2017
Teething Baby=Tired Mummy
Ahh Teething...
there isnt many things that stress me out as much as this does. My poor, poor Gemma is suffering. She is 8 months old on the 13th and she has yet to cut any teeth. However the amount of crying and biting she is doing is telling me she may do soon.
Currently she wakes at 1am and cries..and cries... until she has a massive blob of Bonjella coated along her gums which takes a minute or two to soothe her sore gums. Then she wakes up around 4am for another coating of teething gel and a bottle plus a nappy change. This is all done by a mummy looking like she is about to topple over and slip into a coma! Bare in mind I have a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old to keep alive also.
The early days of falling asleep while feeding her in the early hours feel real again at this point. She isnt so good with her solid food either. The teething is making her only want hard finger foods, which she doesnt eat a huge amount of either so I think that is why she is suddenly wanting a bottle of milk at 4am.
I cant wait to finally see a little white toothy in my babies mouth but I have a feeling its going to tak a while to come through. In the mean time, Il be giving her lots of finger food to try and help cut her teeth and slathering on the teething gel!
there isnt many things that stress me out as much as this does. My poor, poor Gemma is suffering. She is 8 months old on the 13th and she has yet to cut any teeth. However the amount of crying and biting she is doing is telling me she may do soon.
Currently she wakes at 1am and cries..and cries... until she has a massive blob of Bonjella coated along her gums which takes a minute or two to soothe her sore gums. Then she wakes up around 4am for another coating of teething gel and a bottle plus a nappy change. This is all done by a mummy looking like she is about to topple over and slip into a coma! Bare in mind I have a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old to keep alive also.
The early days of falling asleep while feeding her in the early hours feel real again at this point. She isnt so good with her solid food either. The teething is making her only want hard finger foods, which she doesnt eat a huge amount of either so I think that is why she is suddenly wanting a bottle of milk at 4am.
I cant wait to finally see a little white toothy in my babies mouth but I have a feeling its going to tak a while to come through. In the mean time, Il be giving her lots of finger food to try and help cut her teeth and slathering on the teething gel!
Wednesday, 8 February 2017
Slimming world?
Well I am at 14st 4lbs and still 4st to go. Im going to give good old healthy eating via Slimming World a go. I find when I think of calories I get too bogged down with the numbers, then it leads to binging or at least eating badly! So... Slimming world...
Im a member of so many Facebook groups ( Slimmingworld (done from home) is one I frequent the most!) Im on day 2 and find it ok. I just worry I eat too much! However, when I mentally jot down in my head how many rough calories I am intaking, It is always a good normal amount for weightloss (1400-1800 for me, being an active mum to three!)
The main idea with SW (internet speak for slimming world, dont cha know?) is lots of lean meats, potatoes, vegetables, fruit and grains (pasta, rice, cous cous, lentils) plus SYNS. Short for SYNERGY, a vital part of the plan to help you not feel deprived. Say a curly wurly chocolate bar, a nice chewy toffee bar which is great at sticking your jaw together *great for the diet eh?!
is only 6 syns. You have 5-15 syns to use a day on sweet treats, crisps, sauces for meals or any less then healthy additions to your daily meals. Say you want some extra ketchup on you plate, 15g is around 1-2syns, Gravy granules 10g is 2syns (im using the brands I use for examples so syn values may be different!)
You then have "healthy extras" Healthy extra A is your dairy, so milk or cheese. Different types of milk and cheese are limited to different measurements so do check first. Then you have Healthy extra B. This is your fibre, so good for your tummy and digestion. So wholemeal bread, cereals, porridge oats and some low calorie cereal bars are included here, again for weighed amounts which you will have to check. Amazing lists of the different healthy extras, syns and "free foods" are found via simple google searches.
I am in awe of these amazing ladies on youtube and facebook/instagram who have succeeded at slimming world and have hit target weights. They really show how the plan can work. I have seen so many people (men and women) who lose 4st+ so I can easily do this. I just need to stay motivated! I need to set a good exampled and go for this 100%. I will post a weekly food diary from next week, so it will be up in 2 weeks time and I will post any weightlosses here also.
Good luck to anyone else going along this road x
Im a member of so many Facebook groups ( Slimmingworld (done from home) is one I frequent the most!) Im on day 2 and find it ok. I just worry I eat too much! However, when I mentally jot down in my head how many rough calories I am intaking, It is always a good normal amount for weightloss (1400-1800 for me, being an active mum to three!)
The main idea with SW (internet speak for slimming world, dont cha know?) is lots of lean meats, potatoes, vegetables, fruit and grains (pasta, rice, cous cous, lentils) plus SYNS. Short for SYNERGY, a vital part of the plan to help you not feel deprived. Say a curly wurly chocolate bar, a nice chewy toffee bar which is great at sticking your jaw together *great for the diet eh?!
is only 6 syns. You have 5-15 syns to use a day on sweet treats, crisps, sauces for meals or any less then healthy additions to your daily meals. Say you want some extra ketchup on you plate, 15g is around 1-2syns, Gravy granules 10g is 2syns (im using the brands I use for examples so syn values may be different!)
You then have "healthy extras" Healthy extra A is your dairy, so milk or cheese. Different types of milk and cheese are limited to different measurements so do check first. Then you have Healthy extra B. This is your fibre, so good for your tummy and digestion. So wholemeal bread, cereals, porridge oats and some low calorie cereal bars are included here, again for weighed amounts which you will have to check. Amazing lists of the different healthy extras, syns and "free foods" are found via simple google searches.
I am in awe of these amazing ladies on youtube and facebook/instagram who have succeeded at slimming world and have hit target weights. They really show how the plan can work. I have seen so many people (men and women) who lose 4st+ so I can easily do this. I just need to stay motivated! I need to set a good exampled and go for this 100%. I will post a weekly food diary from next week, so it will be up in 2 weeks time and I will post any weightlosses here also.
Good luck to anyone else going along this road x
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